I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
