When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can text with my tongue
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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