I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
