I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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