So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
