If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
