Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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