It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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