If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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