doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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