hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
