i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
