my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
