she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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