yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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