Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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