I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
nutella sex= disaster
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
