why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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