i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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