You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
