I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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