He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
