I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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