i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
