You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
