So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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