How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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