and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
