How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
