Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
