I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
