So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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