So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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