How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
