I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
