He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
