he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize