woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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