You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
