It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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