spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
is this the sara with the beer cane?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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