my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
