You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
