Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wear drunk well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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