Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
