Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
