hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
