I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
