did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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