brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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