Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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