why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
