She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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