How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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