the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
