i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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