I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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