your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
