You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
