Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
