whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
