I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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