I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
