we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
