i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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